D8ergirl’s Quest for Love

{March 17, 2009} He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

In dating, I am often confused by the mixed signals that men send. Just when you think you have a guy figured out, it turns out that what is really happening is the opposite. Let me elaborate.

I’ve been on 2 dates with a guy who is a good friend of mine. We were both hesistant to make the leap from friendship to dating, but after obvious flirtations, the prospect of something beyond friendship was clear and needed exploration. Date #1 was amazing and date #2 was better than the first. The expression that something is right under your nose started to make sense, because here was this great guy and he had been right under my nose for quite some time.

Since date #2, over 2 weeks have passed with no plans for hanging out anytime soon. In fact, communication beyond pleasantries has ceased to exist. Normally, I would think that this means my feelings are different than his, but I’ve heard through mutual friends that he is still talking about “us.”

If I could only decipher the boy brain, it would be extremely helpful. Since I can’t figure guys out, I am going to resort to the game that I played when I was young. I’ll just pick a flower, and as I pull petals off, declare “he loves me, he loves me not.” At least I’ll land on a clear answer.

{February 16, 2009} You are Not a Prize

All women (pending they have good fathers) are taught that they are a prize to be won, and that they shouldn’t just “give up the good stuff” for a man. We like to be treated well, wooed, all that good stuff. So what happens when a guy feels that you are not a prize to be won?

An ex boyfriend and I were talking about a week ago and he asked what I had been up to over the weekend. Joking around I said “oh the usual, meeting boys, making out.” Sure, it wasn’t the nicest thing that I could have said, but his response stung even deeper. He told me that if I will kiss a random guy on a Friday night then I am not a prize to be won. This from a guy who shattered my heart and isn’t worthy of even speaking to me again.

It’s interesting how age changes the way you respond in a situation like this. In my younger days I would have screamed at him and made a show of my emotion. Instead, I responded that I am a prize to be won and that I was going to hang up the phone and never speak to him again. He thought it was a joke, but I am quite serious. In the past week he has tried multiple times to get in contact (including leaving a present in my front door). My response is silence, because his actions are an oxymoron. If I am not a prize to be won, then why is he trying to hard to win me back?

{February 11, 2009} Happy Single Awareness Day!

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and I honestly think it is a bigger deal for single people than for couples. Sure, I’ve had Valentine’s Days in the past where I am in a couple, and it’s been a nice night, but when you are single there is so much more pressure and anticipation.

Take for example, CRAB. She has been dating a guy for a couple of weeks and is now waiting to find out if they are going to spend v-day together. Normally the two of them would hang out on a Saturday night, but because this Saturday happens to be v-day, it adds pressure to a new situation. He hasn’t mentioned anything about the day, and in typical girl fashion, she isn’t going to suggest that they spend the holiday together.

I, on the other hand, really like a guy that I would like to just hang out with on Saturday night, but will not even mention it to him for fear that he will think I want him to be my boyfriend. Meanwhile, I just want to hang out, and maybe do some smooching.

So, this year, I am referring to the dreaded Valentine’s Day as Single Awareness Day. I am going to go out and celebrate being single…much like I do every other Saturday by dancing and drinking with my good girl friends and hoping that there are cute boys out and about, also celebrating being single. Who needs one day when we have 52 weekends a year to celebrate our fabulousness?

{February 10, 2009} Red Flag!

During a single gals dating life, she needs some really fabulous friends by her side. Whether it is someone to call and gush to after a really good first date, or someone to complain to, single girls need each other. We especially need good friends who can see clearly when we can’t, or just plain refuse to.

Red flags are those glaring signals that something is wrong, which tend to come in the form of a pit in your stomach, or an uncomfortable feeling that you just can’t shake. And whether we like to admit it or not, most women are great at ignoring red flags for the sake of finding Mr. Right, or if not him, Mr. Right now. We can’t help it, the prospect of love can make us blind.

During my ten plus years of dating, I’ve come to realize that it’s best to acknowledge red flags from the beginning and move on. Although that is much easier said than done. I suggest to all single girls that you clearly define for yourself what you cannot compromise on and stick to it. For example, in an earlier post I wrote about opposites attracting, and at the time I truly believed that I could ignore the fact that the guy that I was dating did not believe in God. However, this should have been a GIGANTIC red flag because of where I am with my faith. Things didn’t work out with the guy, and a lot of it had to do with us having fights about religion. HELLO….RED FLAG!

Dating should be like a sport. You are on team “find a man” and the man is on team “find a woman” and you need a neutral party to throw a red flag when something is wrong with the game. So ladies, find yourself a good friend, make sure she has your best interest at heart and definitely listen when she pulls you aside and says “RED FLAG!”…it’s for your own good.

{January 24, 2009} 1 Man + 2 Women = Trouble

As a single woman, you need really fun (and attractive) girls to go out and manhunt with on the weekends. Typically, the hotter the group of girls, the more men are met in a night, but this can have it’s drawbacks.

The city of Philadelphia pretty much has 2 different types of men. The first type is the Philly native, this guy tends to be a little bit rough around the edges and usually doesn’t work in corporate America (he does either blue collar work, or small business type stuff). Please note: this is a broad generalization and I am probably going to offend some people with this. The second type is the corporate guy who is very metro and wears a button down shirt, blue jeans and a blazer to any bar that he goes to on the weekends.

With approximately 2 types of guys, it is easy for girls to find themselves attracted to the same guy. Especially in a group of 6 or 7 women. And…in a city that has more single women than single men, things can get very ugly.

Earlier this week some girl friends went to a bar and two girls went for the same guy. He flirted with both of them, and asked both of them for their phone numbers. And then things got ugly.

You see, because the guy didn’t make clear which girl he preferred, it made waiting for him to call stressful on the friendship. Who was he going to “pick”? When he did call one of the girls, he made his intentions clear, but only after a strain on the friendship.

Men…if you are approached by two women MAKE UP YOUR MIND and pick one. Only ask one for her number. Because whether or not you intend to do it, one man plus two women can only equal trouble!

{January 21, 2009} His Kisses Are Selfish

Ok, so contrary to what I have said before, I have agreed to see my ex not once, but twice in the past few weeks. The first time we went out it was a group dinner, so there wasn’t much opportunity for us to be alone or really talk about what happened at the end of our relationship. The night was light hearted and fun and I left with a really good feeling.

While I should have been happy with feeling happy, I agreed to see him a second time. We went to dinner (alone this time) and talked about what had happened between us. He told me he has never loved anyone the way he loved me, I tried to stay rational while thinking about the ways that he had hurt me, and I wondered if I could ever forgive or forget.

As the night went on, small things started to irritate me that I had long forgotten about, like his inability to let me finish a story. Every time I tried to talk about something that was somewhat serious, I was interrupted by a joke or a silly comment. It was so frustrating! How can you tell someone that you love them, but not let them finish a sentence?

At the end of the night the wine and some sweet talking did the trick and I found myself kissing my ex. Instead of the natural flow of a kiss where both people play a role, it was like he was trying to lick my face off. It was a completely selfish kiss. And then I remembered, an ex is an ex for a reason. NEXT!

{January 20, 2009} I’m not a Fortune Teller!

One of the most fun, and most frustrating things about the dating game is that it is very unpredictable. When you first start dating someone, you don’t know what the future will hold, or even if you will talk to the other person again. Often times first dates are followed up by girls analyzing, will he call, won’t he call, does he like me, when am I going to see him again?

Recently, CRAB reconnected with a guy that we went to college with. He is very cute, but wasn’t single when we were in college. Now that he is single, she confessed to having feelings for him, and the texting/flirting has begun. In typical girl fashion, CRAB wants to know where this is going and when she will hear from him again. In typical boy fashion, he seems to have fallen off the face of the earth (even though it’s only been a few days).

CRAB wants to know when she will hear from this guy, and keeps asking me what I think the timing is for when he will make contact. My reply, “I’m not a fortune teller.” And then I thought, wouldn’t it be great to have a dating crystal ball? Women of the world could predict when we were going to hear from our men, and what their intentions are. Instead of spending hours talking about guys with our friends, we would be free to talk about other things like work and politics.

Hmm…now that I think about it, what fun would that be? I’m glad I’m not a fortune teller and there is no dating crystal ball!

{January 14, 2009} The Man Market

These days, everywhere you turn you hear about the stock market crashing, and I wonder, is the man market suffering during these tough economic times?

Picking a man is similar to picking good stocks. Each investor has a different ideal mix for their portfolio, and each single gal has her ideal mix in a mate. Some girls like high risk, high return, some like lower risk that hold steady over a long period of time. I personally want to invest in someone that I can hold onto for the long term, with low risk, and hopefully they come with a high return.

The man market seems to be suffering during this down economy. I’ve noticed that bars have a little bit more room in them than they used to, and the dinner date seems to be a thing of the past. Guys are watching their wallets, which is smart, but makes for less options to choose from on the other side of the dating equation.

With a new President coming into office and Americans beginning to feel confident in the economy again, I am looking forward to a rebound in the man market and some new man-investments in 2009.

{January 12, 2009} Tips from the Boss Man

My boss is convinced that he gives great advice, no matter what the subject matter, so I recently posed the question, what type of guy should I date? Without so much as a breath, he gave 3 types of men to avoid.

Man mistake #1- the poor guy. Boss man suggested that I stay away from poor men, well because they are poor. His theory is that women can marry themselves into a better economic situation and that I should take full advantage of that. I see his reasoning, and agree.

Man mistake #2- the armed forces guy. In the old days, the best and the brightest went into the armed forces to serve our country, but these days, it’s the guys that mess up in high school and don’t go to college. I’ve also had a few dating disasters in the past year that involved military men, so it’s probably best if I stay away for my own sanity.

Man mistake #3- the guy who talks only about himself. It seems easy enough to avoid, but it is amazing how many guys will just yammer on about themselves and not pause for air. No girl should be with a guy who can’t take 2 seconds to ask her how her day was, or find out anything about her. I agree the most strongly with this point because who wants to date a guy that is more into himself than you? And why be with someone who doesn’t know anything about you because he never stopped talking about himself long enough to get to know you.

Over the weekend I found myself face to face with three guys. The first two that I spoke to were guilty of man mistake #2 and man mistake #3. I didn’t wait around to see how much money the last guy made, 2 mistakes in one night is enough for me.

{January 9, 2009} Hot…or Not?

I think it is safe to assume that if a woman is good-looking, she is going to surround herself by other attractive women. Or at least, if she is asked to bring along a friend on a double date, she is going to bring one of her best looking single friends.

But, with guys, it is the other way around. You can rest assure that the attractive guy is going to have to talk one of his guy friends into going on a blind date, and that friend isn’t going to be attractive.

Case in point, recently, my CRAB (college roommate and bestfriend) is back in the dating game after a few years of relationships. She met a good-looking guy through work and they decided to meet up for drinks at a posh new restaurant in the city. CRAB didn’t want to meet up with the dude alone, so she asked him to bring a friend, and brought me along for drinks.

We got to the bar first and ordered a glass of wine each. With each pair of guys that walked in the door, my hopes rose that one of the attractive men would be for me. What I didn’t expect was a cute guy to walk in with his rather plain friend (PF). Plain friend was quite possibly one of the most easy-to-talk to guys that I have ever met, but I would rather kiss a tree than have him kiss me.

Let’s face it, I am a single girl and willing to meet new people, so for now, when a friend wants to set me up, I am willing to play “is he hot…or not?”

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